The Mad Mullah

The Mad Mullah: Mohammed Hassan and the origins of al Qaeda

            Nowadays, crazy jihadists are a dime a dozen and back in the early 1900s things were pretty much the same.  "The Mahdi" caused a whole heap of trouble in the Sudan, and every few years some insurrection would spring up in northern Pakistan.  Most of these were put down with relative ease, primarily due to the fact that their leaders tended to be complete idiots (charging at entrenched machine guns while wielding swords generally doesn't work).  Unfortunately for the British, however, every now and then a reasonably competent jihadist would emerge and make their lives incredibly difficult.  Chief among them was Mohammed Hassan, or as he is more colloquially known: the Mad Mullah.

Charging machine guns with swords doesn't work!

            Like most aspiring jihadists Hassan studied fundamentalist Wahhabi Islam in Saudi Arabia.  According to legend, he got his nickname by pissing off a British customs officer while returning home to Somalia.  The local bystanders told the Brit to ignore him saying that he was just a crazy mullah (Muslim spiritual leader).  Regardless, "Mad Mullah" sounded cool so the British press adopted it regardless of its political incorrectness.  Being a charismatic leader clamoring for independence he quickly gained a following.  He soon discovered that many of Britain's enemies weren't opposed to an independent Somalia.  These same enemies also weren't opposed to parting with some of their modern weaponry.  Toting brand new rifles from the Ottoman Empire, Hassan started attacking the British every chance he got.  He also wrote a ton of poetry.  His modern day apologists generally focus on this point to show that he was more than just a power hungry warlord who ravaged the Somali countryside.

Statue of Mohamed Hassan before it was torn down by looters.

            After a few years of Hassan's plundering and poetry, the British decided that enough was enough.  While at the time Hassan was not terribly good at winning battles, he was very good at running away.  Eventually the British could no longer resist their urge for tea and crumpets and gave up on chasing him.  Around this time, Hassan began forming the Dervish State.  It was a brutal and hierarchical state with him in charge.  He also wrote a lot more poetry.

The Mad Mullah on the march.

            Over time the Mad Mullah got slightly better at winning battles.  In 1913 he attacked a force of British-allied Somalis, killing their officer Richard Cornfield.  He then wrote a poem about it.  The British were all set to come down hard on him, but then the news arrived that the Archduke Ferdinand had been shot and there were some pesky Germans to fight.  The British quickly packed off to France, leaving Hassan to do as he pleased.

Hassan's Dervishes attacking.

            This, however, was when Hassan made a fatal mistake: he tried to beat the British at their own game.  Previously, he had always been ready to retreat off into the bush at the first sign of trouble.  Now, secure in the knowledge that the British were busy elsewhere, he began digging in.  He built forts all over the Somali hinterland as well as palaces for himself.  The concept that he didn't seem to grasp was that as soon as WWI ended the British would be back to get him.  This time with bombers.

Don't mess with the British.

            When Task Force Z's planes were first spotted over the Dervish capitol people thought they were chariots from God sent to escort Hassan to heaven.  Naturally they were somewhat disappointed when they started dropping bombs instead.  Unfortunately for the British, they didn't have any SEALS to send in and confirm the kill so they had to rely on the accuracy of unguided 1920s ordinance.  They still got close, singing the Mullah's clothing, but weren't quite able to finish him off.  The bombers did, however, provide highly effective support for the ground troops that crushed the Dervish State in a matter of weeks.  Thoroughly miffed, the aging Mullah hid in a cave and plotted his return to power.  Luckily for the British, he died of the flu later that year.

Dervish fort being bombed.

            Like all Somali warlords the Mad Mullah was no stranger to butchering civilians and ruthlessly crushing opposition.  However, the Somalis still loved him enough to put a statue of him in their capitol (looters then tore it down and sold it for scrap, but that's Somalia for you).  There are two reasons why Hassan is remembered so fondly: first of all, he was a "freedom fighter".  When fighting a colonial power, people are quicker to forgive atrocities as long as they are committed in the name of freedom.  Secondly, being a poet as well as a jihadist, he is very quotable.  His statements and proclamations have provided lots of inspiration and speech writing material for Osama bin Laden and countless other prospective jihadists.

            There are probably a whole mess of lessons to be drawn from this tale, but one stands out the most.  If your political career ever ends up with you hiding in a cave: the end is near, be it Navy SEALS, angry Libyans, or the flu.